I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i will never coherently bang her
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
