a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
