I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
