Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
