Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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