part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
