Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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