It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
