i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
