I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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