I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
