Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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