...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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