weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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