is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
