You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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