so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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