Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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