he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize