I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
