Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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