I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
