your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
