I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
