The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
