evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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