so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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