Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
