I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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