I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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