My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
