are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
