i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
