If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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