are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
