Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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