Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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