my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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