i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
