i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
