Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
