nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize