So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't EVER smell your tampon
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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