Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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