my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I skipped work to stalk him.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
