The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
third nipple confirmed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
