Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
