Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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