First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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