two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
