I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
