Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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