Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
