I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
