he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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