$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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