Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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