My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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