my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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