White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize