dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
