3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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