So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
