he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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