great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
