In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
