That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
