Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.