I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.