: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard