I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
