I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
