i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
