If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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