I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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